Family values dropped after the ’60s which lead to mothers being more concerned about career, community and taking cruises than the state of their own homes or training their own children. Now their daughters and granddaughters are grown and oblivious to the demands of wife and mom.
So you get married in dreamland until you realize the care of the home is all yours. You have to know a bit more than when to add the butter to the boxed Mac Cheese. Plus, how do you know…
- what to serve guests (or maybe it’s how to cook, period)
- what type of coats, curtains, carpeting, etc. to buy
- how to sew on a knee patch
- where to find a doctor
- how to save money or make food stretch
Now you just plain feel lost – not only that, but you are! So you stumble around wearing a bra that doesn’t fit right because your size changed and you keep buying the wrong size. It could be that you lost your mom, you never knew your mom or you are estranged from your mother. Perhaps you hold a decent relationship with your mother but she just hasn’t taken the time to tell you the details of how to live life. You are left with no idea where to start.
Don’t you love when you are looking at a map, puzzle or diagram and in ALL CAPS it says “START HERE”? You instantly know which way to go. What a relief. God doesn’t leave us in the dark. Since we are first His child, His maidservant, this is where we look first.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. Psalm 32:8
Review Scriptures of how God stays with us (a few more are Psalm 25:12-14 and Psalm 28:7). I’ve found the Psalms perfect for affirming God’s presence in our lives, guiding, caring and carrying us through. Once you have studied and prayed for God’s help, where do we actually start?
Well let’s review your second primary role, as wife:
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. 1 Peter 3:1-6
Okay, so you are working on the basics. Obviously, that’s an outgoing discipline. So what’s next?
Titus 2:5 says women should be: sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
Proverbs 31: 14-22 gives more in-depth view of the work part. This is where most of us get lost. The map isn’t clear HOW to go about doing this. I think that’s where we really need the guidance of an older woman talked about in Titus chapter 2.
A few practical steps to take in learning the skills of womanhood:
Research – Get every book you can on being a godly wife and a godly woman. Two I’d highly recommend is Lies Women Believe and Lies Young Women Believe.
Ask – Ask godly older women if you could spend time with them in order to learn more. Or just ask them specific questions as they come up.
Get into a group – Online or offline to find out for tips and info. This would also include taking a class.
Observe – This kinda overlaps the step of asking. In addition to watching older women you can also watch younger women who are doing things right. I watch a lot of Youtube videos on things of the home, cooking and so forth. You can find my playlists here. There is one specific list for things I think would be helpful for Maidservants.
If all else fails, pray. The Lord wants us to lean on Him and give our burdens to Him. Don’t expect an overnight transformation, learning any skill takes time.
Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5